Pinocchio: A Classic Case Of Child Neglect

Ah, poor old Geppetto. All he ever wanted was a son, but he spent his life so caught up in his craft it never happened for him. Now, in his later years, he pours his talents into a lifelike marionette, hoping to capture that missed chance of becoming a parent. After taking Pinocchio for a test run, he curls up in bed, wishing upon a star that his creation could become real. What a noble wish, and one that is granted almost instantaneously, and why not? Geppetto seems like a nice man, and one who sorely wishes to raise a child of his own. What could go wrong?

Well, everything really. It turns out Geppetto is a terrible father, and within twelve hours of gaining a son, he loses Pinocchio to some pretty unsavoury characters. Let's take a look at Pinocchio's formative education. After all, he's a marionette, made entirely of wood, who has just gained sentience. His language and movement are already developed, somehow, but he lacks any form of morality or knowledge of the outside world. Geppetto should be giving him some indication of how the world works, basic laws, hell, even a basic understanding of potential dangers he might face. What does Geppetto do instead? He dances.

Then, while Geppetto is faffing about with his accordion, Pinocchio promptly sets himself ablaze.

Pinocchio is lit AF

This clearly, immediately demonstrates Pinocchio's lack of even the most basic awareness of danger, you'd think the new parent would take this as an opportunity to instil some knowledge and lay some ground rules before introducing him to society at large. Oh no, wait, he sends him off to school the next morning. Alone.

"Bye son! You'll probably be fine! Good luck finding that school I just told you about!"

Now, that in itself seems like a pretty poor application of parenting skills, but on the surface Geppetto's village seems relatively friendly and peaceful, the streets are full of children laughing and making their way to school. But it's not until later we find out that there is, in fact, a mass child abduction ring taking wayward boys to a remote island, where they are turned into donkeys and sold to slavery.

Walt Disney was  world renowned for creating wholesome family entertainment.

I know sensationalist media was probably nowhere near as prevalent in those days as it is now, but I assume there's a fair level of awareness that something weird is going on. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect Geppetto to be in touch enough with local affairs to at least think it might be a good idea to escort his son to school on his first day. Way to drop the ball, Geppetto, I'm glad you got swallowed by a whale. Did you even exhaust the search in your own home town before taking to the sea?

But we can't just blame Geppetto for Pinocchio's predicaments. No, these mishaps are the result of systematic failure at every stage of the adoption process. After all, Geppetto clearly can't even look after a goldfish properly, and a seemingly omniscient fairy deemed him responsible enough to care for a human life?

To be fair, I've never heard anyone specifically say that fish can't eat cake.

Perhaps the Blue Fairy should be blamed for all this. She gave Pinocchio life, entrusted his care to a senior citizen with no previous parenting experience, and gave the wooden boy an odd selection of laundry list virtues that he should exhibit to become properly human. Also, upon realising she forgot to provide Pinocchio any sort of moral compass, she quickly bestows the role of "conscience" on the first thing she sees: A homeless cricket that gives a, quite frankly, inadequate definition of the concept. The Blue Fairy dubs him "Lord High Keeper of the knowledge of right and wrong", this is in reference to a cricket who mere hours ago had no problem breaking into Geppetto's house and setting up camp for the night.

If only we could all be like this shifty hobo criminal.

Of course, Jiminy Cricket fails to make any meaningful impact on Pinocchio's actions, failing to guide him away from an extremely dodgy cat and fox duo, and giving up at the first sign of trouble. It's not all his fault though, he's barely qualified for the job. So really, I place the blame squarely in the hands of the Blue Fairy, who seemed to be in such a rush to make her wish granting quota that she forgot to lay the basic groundwork and support system required for the adoption process of a wooden child. Sure, she turns up later to impart some basic moral knowledge when Pinocchio has been abducted for the second time, but she seems more intent on magical theatrics than, you know, returning him home safely.

"This thinly veiled moral lesson is all you need to help you on your way.
Also, I've recklessly created more life in the form of these orphan birds."

I guess the lesson is, be careful what you wish for, because an incompetent fairy may just plop a living being on your desk while you sleep, and leave you to figure it all out for yourself.

Geppetto is still a crappy father though.